I have recently joined a few online dating websites, and I am beginning to question why I decided to waste my time and join these sites. I don’t know if I did it out of boredom, hope that I would actually find someone compatible enough to date, or unbeknown to me a secret psychological subtitle in masochism. One thing I have learned is that no matter how crazy I think I am or have been in the past, there are plenty more characters out there far more deranged than myself… and it’s pretty entertaining.
On one of these sites, it is common to get some strange messages. I should have known what I was signing up for. The only problem I have is that when provoked, I can sometimes be an asshole–especially in writing. Thank you to genetics and my intellectual, witty, smart-ass upbringing. The following selection of literature is an example what I encounter and a testament that patience is a virtue.
I had received a few messages throughout the course of a couple days that went unchecked… because I’m not on the site every day. Anger from the other party ensued and warranted a response from yours truly…
Other Party (OP): hi (September, 8)
OP: ???????????????? (September, 9)
OP: i siad hello and ya didnt reply,,,i guess your just on of those fake lil runts,,,,,lol noce to know faker,,,,,,play on playa (September, 10)
Me: Meh.
OP: go away you make no sense
Me: I wasn’t the one approaching you. I am sorry for not meeting your standards cordially enough and in a timely enough manner to prevent you from calling me a “fake lil runt.” Though, I admit, I am slightly vertically challenged (so calling me a runt is factual) I would rather not adhere to slanderous comments about me being “fake” or a “faker.”
OP: dude i said hello and the email went unaswered then i sent a second unanswered so y ou blew it,,,,,,,,,,nuff said good bye short pie,,,,,,,,,and i like lil man syndrome your loss,,,now please dont email me back please
Me: I’m sending you an e-mail back simply because you told me not to and because I’m calling out your reverse psychology. I will go ahead and state that your reverse-psy worked. In saying that you don’t want me to e-mail you back… I know that you actually want me to send you a message. You win this time because I’m messaging you back. Just know that I’m only messaging you to call out your bluff. I can’t talk to someone legitimately who uses comas to express a continued thought where ellipses should be used. (September, 11)
OP: i asked you not to mail me back you are annoying just like a little prick you silly half a man and because your pscyco babble is a turnoff and just the fact you keep emailing shows you dont take direction and are a pain in the ass and im not interested but nice try Mr therapist lol at you and as far as my commas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,f u tiny man id tell ya to frow up but i feel you are as grown as you can be and a bigger ahole than i figured i should have known you are a TRUe FAKE PHAG and if punctuation bothers you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………………………………………………………suck it because i always win you silly pussy bitch ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,………………………………,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you are dismissed little boy ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been dismissed. Oh, well. Love was meant for another day.
Brosky Brewskies 